"People can die of mere imagination."- Chaucer.
Actually I got tired halfway through because despite trying, everything turned stale, and I decided to turn back and walk away from all the ambiguity that I was being made to decipher. Really what was I to do, when nothing was ever affirmed/certain, or when I was afraid that everything was just a mere facade, that I was living in my own imagination. Besides, it was just unfair for me to try on my own.
I am still somewhat happy, by the way. Even if I dread going for rehearsal tomorrow and sitting in the sweltering heat for hours, or going up to the hall to play in front of unappreciative people.
things will work out. they always have.